laughing without fear of the future

I had always planned on college,college was never not part of my great plan for life! When I was little a Doctor was the profession of choice. I remember a Christmas where I got a kids Dr. kit (the shot and stethoscope were my favorites.) and in my stocking was a little teddy bear in scrubs and by my guess he was a surgeon.My mom says I was so excited to start grade school when I was little. I begged to be able to join my siblings at the kitchen table with homework this resulted in me starting a year ahead of when I was supposed to. My sister right above me (Jessica) on the other hand didn't like school (we are opposite on 90% of things) and had absolutely no desire to do it. She was the homemaker,sewing selling clothes online by age 14,raised/bred and sold her goats. All of which she still does,but she has added to her load going to school for vet tech. As an example of how opposite we are we shall start with her gift of sewing in which my eldest sister did to,so at age 9 I did a little sewing class my eldest sister did on making a skirt. I did not enjoy that class at all. Sewing was tedious and I just couldn't get it right.  

        I always say 'stress' was in the word 'seamstress' for a reason!

My parents wanted me to find someway to make money from home vs. going out and getting a job in a secular workplace. I was somewhat of a creative just not in the sewing field. I would rather be running around barefoot outside with my brothers. Thank goodness I discovered photography (to read about that click here) I graduated Highschool slightly early though not at 16 as I had hoped. I changed career options multiple times in my senior year, a month before my graduation I decided on Pedatric Oncology Nurse. Thats what my grad invites said.;) 1 month after graduation I didn't even know if I would go to college. I threw the idea of a BA in communications around for a few yrs in highschool and after. Mainly just so I had a degree that had many career options that I could combine photography,to get family members off my back.

But here I am 20 years old and not going to college,not dating, no real plan. Something you need to know about me is I am a visionary and a planner. I usually have a plan of some sort for my life and I am always envisioning paths to take. I see myself a stay at home mother in a quaint little happy home, I see myself successfully running a buisness with a little office all my own, I envision me all by myself living overseas doing missions work being an intercessor like Katie Davis or some other amazing women like Amy charmicheal,Gladys Aylward, Mary Slessor.... The point is I am a dreamer/visionary usually cooking up some scheme that I plan and write out all in a notebook,but never doing for some reason or other.

So why am I not going to college? Why am I not planning for the future? What if you never get married and have to support youself or you get married and your husband dies?
Those questions swirl in my head like no other. I love the part in Proverbs 31 where it says,"She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future."

Why does she laugh without fear? Because she knows she is being looked out for by someone knows the future and knows where she will be and what she will go through in the future. This person is God,who is faithful, loving, merciful and just. Don't read that thinking you don't have to do anything God will provide everything,I mean God will provide the means to the provisions.

God hasn't led me to college yet. So I haven't gone. He lead me to Ellerslie and opened that door,so I went through the door. He has given me oppurtunities to gain experience on my photography. But no matter how much I try to make a go of starting my photography plan. While He sends me to Ellerslie for a time or move me to a new state its hard to fight the truth that a photography business isn't happening at this moment. God doesn't have it in this chapter. When God says no its hard to swallow,but knowing He has a plan greater is a peaceful feeling. Its as if Gods saying, wait on me for my plan for you because it will be greater then what your trying to accomplish on your own. Not saying God will give me away to do photography on a more professional level in the future,but that He has a plan greater then what I can envision for myself. Whether that is doing photography full time,part time or as a hobby. Its through Gods gift of photography that doors have been opened for me in other ways in which I am truly blessed. I am currently spending my summer in Colorado doing pretty much full time ministry through my skills in video and photography for an amazing Christ centered family ranch. I sometimes feel like we want our plan to be Gods plan so much that we try to trick ourselves into thinking that that's true. He always surprises,reminds,changes our plans and expectations when we surrender our all daily,allowing Him to create a great work in you/me.

                                    This just seems to be getting better and better right?!
No college degree and the door for a photography business isn't open,I'm working away from home for little money in ministry.
                               Don't you want to start supporting yourself and have a secure job?  
My answer, No. Not if that's not where God is leading and planted me. I want my life no matter how absurd,crazy and no matter how it appears to lack common sense,I want it to be walking and stepping where Jesus points. I want to walk through the doors He opens, I want my life to bring Him praise and to be His for His purposes. Delighting in what He delights. Cry and pray for what breaks His heart. When called to follow Jesus we weren't offered safe,normal, comfort. Actually we were offered the opposite. We were told we would be perscuted,doesn't clarify how or its extremities,but we are outcasts. We were told we would be tested. We are striving to be in total obedience to God the Father just as Jesus was.... You remember what happened to Jesus right?! The son of GOD!!! The most High. He was accused,mocked,spit upon,whipped,crucified annnnnnnd mocked during His death. Jesus has to be the most unappealing life to the human nature ever,but yet our souls yearn for that. I believe a good verse for that is Matthew 26:41 "Watch and pray,lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing,but flesh is weak."   When we are Jesus' side we are against Satan and He will attack physically,spiritually,emotionally.

How does the proverbs 31 woman laugh at the future without fear. There isn't to my knowledge one easy quick step. Its honestly a matter of the heart,between you and the Lord. Here are some ways to help you out/point you in the right direction.

-Constantly surrendering to the Lord your wants,desires,plans,doubts and fears. Just when I think I have surrendered everything He brings up something that I didn't think of or wasn't even in my mind or something that I was leaving out because I didn't want to surrender it. This is probably the hardest thing. Also remembering to fear and doubt is a sin,since we are commanded to trust Him helps me to keep that in check.

-Putting complete faith and trust that He is in control and has a plan. Its even harder to not worry or stress if you aren't putting complete trust in Him.

-In all your ways acknowledge Him. (Prov.3:6) And He SHALL direct your paths.

Note: These are just ways I've noticed for myself that brought me to a place that I can laugh without fear of the future. I don't have it all figured out. I don't have it all down pat, when you lose sight of things your gonna fall and I have to remind myself/repeat the things below. Your relationship with Jesus is like a plant that you tend to and help grow. you don't buy a plant and expect it to grow if you ignore it.


       "I am not afraid of tomorrow, because I know God is already there."